Raznor's Rants

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Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Everything I need to know I learned from watching 24
Posted by Raznor

Kevin Drum notes that, although torture has been used a lot in 24 this season, in no case has it been effective (yet - there's still 14 episodes to go). He concludes that the writers of 24 are saying that torture doesn't work, a valuable lesson in these times. So it got me thinking, what other important life lessons have I taken from the first 4 seasons of 24? Here's a small list:

1) If a terrorist looks in anyway middle eastern, or what one would stereotypically think a terrorist looks like, he is not the top dog. This means that when we see Osama Bin Laden's tapes, there's some white American, or charming British guy behind the camera, telling him what to say. I suspect Tony Blair. For no reason in particular.

2) No matter how good security is, there will always be a mole. I mean, come on. Nina and Jackie in season 1 were one thing, but how half-assed are CTU's background checks anyway?

3) Any terrorist plot will be stopped in a few hours, only to have the much bigger plot initiated. This is my theory for the intelligence failure on 9/11. They actually stopped some minor terrorist threat only to find out the real plan involved airplanes. That part probably hasn't been declassified yet.

4) Never trust an ambitious black woman. Be she Sherri Palmer or Maryanne whatever her last name is. You know, the mole from this season, who slept with that one black agent who got captured by the white, American uber-terrorist? Condoleeza Rice, I'm looking at you. Also note that these treacherous black women always have had sexual histories with the noble black men. Colin Powell?

5) Democratic presidents are overly idealized in an imperfect political world. Republican presidents never get their asses off of Air Force 1 during a crisis. Or maybe it's not Democratic presidents, but black Democratic presidents. Obama '08?

6) Jack Bauer is the baddest ass motherfucker on the fucking planet! I mean you saw when Arad hit him with that car? He just walked that off like it was nothing! I'm not sure how this applies to the real world, but it had to be said.

Well, there you go. Any other lessons feel free to use comments.


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