President Bush: There is no God
Posted by Ross

Few politicians, certainly in modern history, have reaped more success from invoking the name of the Almighty than George W. Bush. This raises the following questions:

1) Does the President, as a member of the cultural elite of this country, simply have a direct line to the great granddad in the sky?
or,
2) Is the President violating the Third Commandment, in which, "yadda yadda Lord's name in vain yadda yadda"?

It turns out, the answer is, "None of the above."

"My good friend Pat Robertson once told me," the President said, "if ever you want something, I mean really, really, really want something, just tell the people God or Jesus or the holy ghost are actually the ones who want it. Because, as Patty says, 'Who's gonna argue with what Jesus wants?'

"Course you know an' I know that God probably doesn't really believe in the neocon agenda," the President continued, "but that's only cuz there is no God. All there is is this life on earth an' the only thing I really care about is getting as much as I can for me an' all my buddies while I'm still here.

"I mean," the President went on, "there's literally billions of people on this planet who I've never met. Fuck them in their little dirt hovels dying from their extreme poverty and repressive governments, from their malnutrition and AIDS. In fact, come to think of it, fuck all the poor huddled masses in this country yearning to something something. I'm rich. That's how it's always been and that's how it'll always be."

The President then added he would by "praying" for the soon-to-be victims of Hurricane Rita.