Coca-Cola Throws in the Towel
Posted by Ross

Coca-Cola, soft drink manufacturer, cultural icon and bully to the developing world, is no more.

Coke CEO E. Neville Isdell looked humbled as he addressed reporters, reading from prepared remarks:

"Coca-Cola was the planet's leading cola supplier. In the face of global poverty, mass starvation, genocide and war, we spent hundreds of millions of dollars in advertising every year so that we stayed on top. And for what? For cola? There's like a thousand other colas on this planet and most of them taste nearly identical. I mean, have you ever had Pepsi? Would the world be so bad if everyone drank Pepsi instead of Coke? For fuck's sake, have you ever had China Cola? That shit is the bomb!

"The point is," Isdell continued, "what's the point? It's just fucking cola. It's not even good for you."

Isdell then dedicated his life to the betterment of mother earth.