Raznor's Rants

Costarring Raznor's reality-based friends!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Nader Demands to Know Why Ring of Power Hasn't Been Destroyed

Posted by Ross

Consumer Advocate/Bizarro World President Ralph Nader has been demanding to know why the Ring of Power, recovered almost two weeks ago from Dark Lord/Vice President Dick Cheney, has yet to be destroyed.

“It’s altogether evil,” Nader said, “and to be destroyed, it must be thrust into the fires from whence it came, or its malice shall live on.”

“I found it. It’s mine I tell you… My precious,” President Bush said in a press conference held in a dank cave somewhere in the Misty Mountains. He then reached one of his hands into a midnight black reeking pond, pulling out a wriggling fish.

“Fishes, fishes. Yummy, slimy, we love’s them, don’t we, precious?” The President then proceeded to devour the still-living fish, taking particular delight in its eyes, which he greedily slurped out of their sockets.

“Besides,” he added, wiping the fish's slimy entrails from his mouth, “Nader’s a dick.”

He then vanished into thin air.


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