Raznor's Rants

Costarring Raznor's reality-based friends!

Friday, March 18, 2005

Alaska, Wolfowitz, Dean and Tyler Durden
Posted by Ross

I just find it so amazing that those greedy bastards are still doing everything they can to get their paws on the great Alaskan wilderness. Jesus, aren't the rivers and streams and skies of our part of the continent good enough? We don't even live there!

And I just love how they keep asserting how they're certain the wilderness won't be harmed in the least once they start drilling for fucking oil. Not in the least. I mean, certainly, in the past, the oil industry has used only the most painstaking scalpel-like care when it would come into contact with the delicate Alaskan wilderness. And let's not forget the stabilizing hand big oil plays elsewhere around the globe. You know what, I trust them.

I'm a guy, right, and because of that, when I watch TV, I'm constantly opening and closing the battery case of the remote control. Now, your average remote only has so many openings and closings - we'll say 170,000 - before it opens and closes no more and the plastic finally breaks off. And we know when we're getting close to that point, because, all of a sudden, when we turn the remote right-side-up, the battery case no longer stays in place and you need to tape it up to keep it from getting lost between the couch cushions.

Anyway, that's a metaphor, or something, to what seems to be happening to the environment. We let big industry rape it within an inch of its life and then we put on the bandaid.

It's funny, because just a couple weeks ago, I was actually, tentatively, thinking, maybe our president has come to his senses, you know with signs pointing to trends that there may be a movement in a direction other than negative in the middle east, and then I wake up one day and say to myself, so that's what they meant about 'starving the beast.'

All of a sudden, I find myself wondering, will Paul Wolfowitz (Paul-fucking-Wolfowitz!) actually do a good job at the world bank?

We live in such a moralistic, crime-and-punishment society, where a person must be crucified for his sins. You know, on one end of the spectrum, you might have an ex-con finding it next-to-impossible to earn an honest living even if he's completely rehabilitated or whatever.

And it works in the other direction too. Like Wolfowitz, right, a neo-con fuckbag, yes, but he also happens to be a pretty brilliant dude. Maybe the World Bank is a place in this world where a brilliant neo-con fuckbag can actually do something positive. I mean, at least you gotta reserve some hope, right?

I was saying, right before the election, I'm changing my party affiliation from Democrat to Independent, no matter who wins. Of course, I was hoping Kerry would win. Anyway, he didn't, and so far, I haven't changed my party affiliation.

So many of those pundits, even the sensible ones on NPR, continue to bash Howard Dean, that he's some, I don't know, cancer or something, because he's so extreme or something. No need to get into that ridiculous assertion. The point is, right before the primaries last year, when I started paying attention to the candidates, and listening to debates, I liked Dean. And I still haven't had any convincing evidence to make me dislike him now. And so I guess I'll remain an impatient Democrat a while longer.

Because the Democrats really try their best, you know, to push progressive social agendas, and they're not as huge of pussies when it comes to the foreign policy as they're painted to be. But then you always have these slimy, oozy, dirty, filthy, disgusting discrepencies, like Joseph Biden's stern support of the credit card company BASTARDS just because he's from Deleware. Remember that last scene in "Fight Club," with the Pixies and exploding buildings? That was beautiful on so many levels.


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