Raznor's Rants

Costarring Raznor's reality-based friends!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Hey there readers. This is Raznor's brother Ross signing on as new co-blogger. I was honored he would ask me, and am excited to see what this partnership will yield.
It sort of reminds me of that one scene in Return of the King, you remember, where Minas Tirith is surrounded by all these orcs and trolls and then Grön breaks down the gate and the king of the Nazguls is kicking ass and Gandalf whaps Denethor upside the head and then the Riders of Rohan come with the dawn and start kicking some more ass, but it's not enough ass, so then Aragorn jumps off the ship with Gimli and Legolas and the army of the dead and they fight Oliphants and Eowyn kills the king of the Nazguls. Well anyway, what I mean to say is Return of the King is a damn fucking good movie.
So, I write movies for a living, and so far some of them have come out straight-to-video. You know, like Sniper 3, which I co-wrote. And it turned out pretty good, as far as movies go. And that's pretty much how I make my living and I write original stuff on the side, hoping one day that will be what I do for a living. I also write a lot of stuff that I don't really know what to do with, so I'll start sharing some of it in here.
And actually, just last week I wrote a brief editorial that I submitted to the LA Times for publication. The complete and utter lack of a reply from the reputable daily leads me to believe it won't be appearing on the second-to-last page of the California section.
So, for my first post as Raznor's co-blogger, I present to you, the reader, my rejected editorial to The Los Angeles Times about some of my thoughts relating to the upcoming elections in Iraq.

Will Jan. 30 Have a Hollywood Ending?
It seems like such a hair-brained scheme. I mean, could you imagine President Bush saying, “Okay, here’s the plan, we overthrow Saddam Hussein real fast-like and then knuckle down in this quagmire with an ever-more-resilient resistance and hold out long enough to hold popular elections and then marvel at how the magical elixir of democracy quells even the most malignant of social unrest.”?
We have proof, courtesy of the bloodbath of humanity known as the twentieth century, that you can’t demolish a society and then expect it to be rebuilt in a matter of years. What we are learning is that you can rebuild a demolished society, but it takes a lot more time and a lot more love.
Imagine if this were an action movie. The hero would be some renegade rich kid who’s never played by anybody’s rules -- the post-modern anti-hero, get it? He knows there’s a job to be done, and by hell or high water, he’s gonna get it done.
And he’s gonna piss everybody off while he’s doing it, but in the end, he’s going to execute the most amazing, stunning, edge-of-your-seat nail biter, the one-in-a-million shot, the kill-the-bad-guy-with-the-gun-you-duct-taped-to-your-back, the Darth Vader-throws-the-Emperor-to-his-death, if you will, and after a few choice explosions set to Van Halen or Styx, everything comes out beautifully.
And the audience in the theater is cheering. And kids are sneaking back into the theater to see it again.
This is what I pray will be the outcome from the vote in Iraq on January 30: one hell of an ending to an edge-of-your-seat ride. But coming from someone who’s written a movie that ends with a one-in-a-million shot, it’s especially hard to believe these things actually happen off the silver screen (or, in my case, the TV screen).

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