Raznor's Rants

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Saturday, April 22, 2006

President Hu Summarily Executes Protestor on White House Lawn
Posted by Ross

President Bush’s Thursday picnic on the White House lawn, in honor of Chinese President Hu Jintao’s US visit, was interrupted by the shouts of a protestor, who was later identified as Jin Qin, a Chinese ex-pat and Falun Gong follower whose entire family had been killed so that mid-level Chinese bureaucrats could sell their organs on the black market.

“Well that’s just plain rude,” President Bush muttered to the Chinese president as he chewed on some Texas-style potato salad with extra tobasco sauce.

“I was about to add that my propaganda machine would be happy to run a multi-million dollar smear campaign against that crazy lady,” the President added, “when the next thing I know, Hu grabs one-a my Secret Serviceman’s side-arms an’ is moseyin’ on over to ‘er.”

Without hesitation, Hu then fired a single bullet through Qin's skull at point blank range, killing her instantly. “That is how we do things in Beijing,” he muttered coldly through a translator.

"Please pass the ambrosia salad," the translator added.

“After that, all of us were too afraid to ask Hu to stop manipulating his currency,” an impressed Karl Rove said. “That fucker’s stone cold.”

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