Senate Allocates $12.37 for Public Schools
Posted by Ross

With the US saddled by record deficits, thanks in no small part to the global wars on terror, drugs and reproductive rights, Congress this week allocated $12.37 to fund nationwide schools.

The funding was secured when Sen. Ted Kennedy (D - MA) threw down the $7.00 he had in his wallet, which was met by another $3.00 from Sen. John McCain (R - AZ).

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R - TN), them emptied out his swear jar, which accounted for the final $2.37.

"Education funding this year truly was a bi-partisan effort," Frist, who's primed for a run at the presidency in '08, told reporters. "I literally reached across the aisle to take the seven bucks from that Kennedy cocksucker."

He then plunked a quarter into the swear jar. Sources close to Frist believe it will be used to fund the VA.

After the education budget was signed, the Senate then moved onto more pressing matters, approving $15 billion to set up a new branch of the justice department that will soley focus on the prosecution and incarceration of medical marijuana users.

President Bush thanked the Senate for all its hard work.