Second Hand Info on the DOJ

A friend of mine worked at the Department of Justice last summer in Washington, DC. He told me that most people working there hate John Ashcroft, like how most people working in the Pentagon and for the CIA hate Donald Rumsfeld. But Ashcroft's popularity in his department isn't the point of this post. The point is the following story.

My friend stole John Ashcroft's underwear. It was lying in Ashcroft's office.

Now, before I go on, it's not uncommon for government officials to keep changes of clothes in their office. In case of crisis where they need to be on call 24 hours a day, they'll sleep in their office and keep changes of clothes for that purpose. The uncommon thing is the nature of Mr. Ashcroft's boxers.

We're talking really nice boxers here. They were silk, monogrammed boxers, with the US Seal engraved on one of the legs! Truly the only underwear fit for a man of Ashcroft's stature.

So there's a picture of my friend shaking Ashcroft's hand. And in the moment before the picture was taken, my friend lifted up Ashcroft's boxers behind his head, so we have Ashcroft shaking hands with one of his workers, and Ashcroft's boxers in the background, and a security agent (secret service?) staring at the boxers with a look of suspicion/what the hell? on his face.

Furthermore, the fact that many many people in the DOJ hate Ashcroft means there's hope that one will enter his office, and say to him, "Hey Ashcroft, about your latest disfiguring of the Constitution . . ." and then give Ashcroft a gut punch. At which point Ashcroft will finally realize the error of his ways and stop fucking over the entire nation. By and by. By and by.