Raznor's Rants

Costarring Raznor's reality-based friends!

Monday, April 25, 2005

The Midnight Rambler
Posted by Ross

Hey there, world. Haven't posted for a while. Was visiting the family back in AZ this past week and before that working furiously on finishing a first draft of a script that turned out to be 190 pages. In case you didn't know, 190 pages is pretty long for a script. I was in that kind of euphoria one feels after finishing something like a 190 page script and ended up sending it to an agent along with another more reasonably-lengthed 120 page script. I think the new script needs more work, though. They always do.

Dude, I'm getting married in like 4 months. I'm 28. Sometimes I feel like I've got it all together, then other times I feel like I'm barely squeaking by. It's probably a bit of both. Just careening through time and space at this break-neck pace, and terrified of being wasted.

For years I thought that death was my biggest fear. And there are many aspects of death that certainly scare me, like dying in a nuclear holocaust or getting cancer or murdered or something.

I've had both grandmas die within weeks of each other earlier this year, so for the first time in my life, I've really been confronted with death. And also get a grasp of how long I've really got. Unless they invent those pills Vonnegut's always going on about, where they prevent you from aging... I just hope they get invented before I've stopped being handsome.

So I'm going to die. And it'll likely be before the year 2150, though with modern medicine, you never know...

And what's keeping me up this night is the fear of being wasted. Notice I don't say "wasting away," but rather "being" wasted, as if I am being wielded by a force beyond my control. Or, rather, being ignored by a force that controls my destiny.

Or maybe I should just go to bed.


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