Al Gore vs Bender
Costarring Raznor's reality-based friends!
American citizens will now be compelled to allow British soldiers to live in their homes, thanks to a new signing statement from President Bush.
By negating the Third Amendment, the new order completes the abrogation of the entire United States Bill of Rights. High-level White House sources have indicated that this was Bush's sole purpose in issuing the statement.
While precisely which British soldiers are to live in which homes remains unclear, the signing statement is clear and unambiguous, according to a press release on the White House website. The statement, in Bush's handwriting, contains the complete text of the Third Amendment — "No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law" — crossed out, with the words "Hey, Bigtime, we missed one! Bring on the redcoats!" and what appears to be a smiley face added underneath.
Personally, Big Mouth is most disappointed in sometime ally Arlen Specter. Considering that Mr. Specter himself admits the amendment will never pass, it seems like the usually free-thinking Senator has decided to play politics and throw his party a bone. Despite his opposition to the amendment, allowing the proposal to leave Committee and open discussion on the Senate floor guarantees that it will become an issue for the November 2006 elections. The disappointment just keeps on mounting and I'm convinced that in the current political climate that we can never consider an elected Republican official an ally; they will always be pandering political pandas. They will always throw queer people and their rights to the dogs the minute their careers are threatened.
As a heterosexual who has been through two marriages and subsequent divorces, it is obvious to me that the President is just trying to protect homosexual couples from the heartbreak and financial turmoil I have experienced